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Join a support group, hire a therapist or a coach who can help you.
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence has tips for planning ahead if the abuser shows signs of escalating. Maybe you've always wanted to learn French cooking.
If they want to go out to eat at the same place every week, you may decide to just do it.
The more you acquiesce, the less friction you'll experience.
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The only thing you can do is find tactics to deal with their behavior and know that you're not crazy, demented, idiotic or any of the things you're accused of.